


1. Let's Hang Out Sometime - (Hanging)

by Goose_Goddess



Series: Goose's Whumptober 2020 [1]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Major Character Injury, Whumptober 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:21:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26760556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goose_Goddess/pseuds/Goose_Goddess
Summary: Deadpool has strong opinions on what's a bad way to die. Too bad Kingpin's goons are fond of his least favorite. Fortunately, that cute little webbed hero stumbles across his body and saves him from his situation.
Series: Goose's Whumptober 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1949830
Kudos: 4





	1. Let's Hang Out Sometime - (Hanging)

**Author's Note:**

> I hope I tagged this correctly, but just to be sure: There is some graphic description of death by hanging in this story. It's Deadpool, so it's not permanent, but still, please be safe and if this isn't something you find comfortable, please skip this story.

If you ask Wade Wilson what the worst way to die is, he’d tell you hanging. Surprising, as there are so many more painful ways to die. But for Wade, the issue isn’t the pain of one death by hanging, it’s the fact that they rarely bother to take your body down once you’re dead. So it’s not just dying one time, but dying over and over and over again until someone finally finds the body and cuts it down.

It’s not something that comes up all the time, but people do ask every once in a while. People are always surprised at his response. But once he explains, they realize that “dying” for Deadpool isn’t the same thing as “dying” for everyone else. When you’re only going to do it once, it’s a lot different. It usually ends their conversation right then and there and ends in him getting strange looks from anyone listening.

So when the idiotic villains who have captured him decide that they’re not going to feed him to a shark, blow him up, or send his body through a wood chipper, no they’re just going to hang him off the side of a building, he’s furious. Unfortunately, he’s also disabled by having both his arms cut off and therefore at a distinct disadvantage in the fight. So he ends up, rope around his neck, and tossed off the top of one of the skyscrapers near the edge of Queens.

He kind of wishes Kingpin had offed him closer to Daredevil’s home ground, as the hero would have at least cut his body down and left him alone to recover. Instead, he’s likely to end up all night swinging off the side of the building, dying over and over again until it’s daylight and some passerby notices his body, or one of the office residents sees him through the window.

The first time, if you’re lucky, your neck snaps, and the death is quick. The next time around, once your neck heals up and you’re alive again, it’s strangling to death. At least with him being so big, the strangling is pretty quick. Then back to dead. 

While he’s dead, he gets a bit of a rest. It’s just that when he comes back, he’s strangling all over again. His arms are regenerating, so hopefully at some point he might be able to loosen the rope during one of the alive-but-strangling periods. But then he’s out again.

******

Then, one time, he comes to, and he’s not strangling. He’s shocked to see that it’s still dark out. Someone must have hauled him back onto the roof and pulled the rope off of his neck. Maybe Daredevil’s been tracking Kingpin and passed by to see what his goons had been up to? Groaning, he sits up.

“What the heck?” someone exclaims. That is definitely not Daredevil’s voice. And Daredevil wouldn’t sound so shocked to see him sit up.

Deadpool turns and looks. It’s that cute webbed hero he’s seen around New York. Spider-man is staring at him, frozen in shock.

“Hey cutie.” Deadpool says. “You pull me up? If so, thanks! I hate when they leave me hanging like that. Especially since I keep recovering from strangling to death only to die all over again. Gets old, very fast. Figured I was going to have to wait until the sun was up, until someone found me.”

The hero is still frozen, just staring. Well, Deadpool assumes he’s staring. He can’t see the hero’s eyes, so it’s entirely possible he’s not even looking at Deadpool. Or maybe he’s blind like Daredevil and using some odd sixth sense to look at him. Or, he is Spider-man, maybe he has multiple eyes like a spider and he’s watching both Deadpool and the rest of the city?

“You were dead.” The hero’s voice is cute, a pleasant tenor and older than he expected. He’s so skinny Deadpool had assumed he was only a teenager. Even though it is cute, his voice is a little shaken.

“Yes, yes, I was.” Deadpool says, getting to his feet and stretching. “And thank you, cause like I said, dying over and over is not a fun way to spend the evening.”

“Dying over and over?” Spider-man sounds adorably confused.

Deadpool laughs and shrugs. “I can’t die. Well, I can’t stay dead. Got a great healing factor, and no matter what happens, I just keep coming back.”

“But, but why where you there in the first place?” The hero asks. Deadpool walks closer to the hero. He’s so cute and small. Deadpool wants to grab him and cuddle him. However, he figures he better not push his chances. The hero saved him from more dying. He doesn’t want to risk getting thrown off the roof.

“Kingpin’s goons were moving in on some place he doesn’t belong.” Deadpool said. “Had to stop them. They didn’t like it, cut my arms off, threw me off the roof.” He shrugged. “The usual.”

Spider-man tilted his head. He looked like an adorable, cute little puppy! “Wait… you’re that Merc the Avengers were talking about.”

“That’s me! Deadpool, Merc with the mouth. Nice to meet you, Spidey.” Deadpool gushed.

Spider-man shook his head. “They say you’re bad news.”

Deadpool shrugged. “They’re not wrong. I do kill bad guys and I charge a lot of money for it. It’s probably better for you if you stay away from me.” The voices immediately start yelling at him about what a stupid idea it is to warn Spider-man away. Irritated he turns to the side and muttered at them “Shut up. It would be better for him if he did.”

Spider-man frowns. “They did mention that.” He shrugs. “However, I think a group that includes at least two former assassins has no ground to stand on. And I looked at some of the files they showed me. You seem to only go after people who are really bad.”

Deadpool looked at him. “Yeah. It doesn’t sound like he’s telling us to get lost.” He muttered back to the voices, who both sounded more than a little confused at the response.

“I don’t like killing.” Spider-man stated.

Deadpool nodded. “I know. You’re one of the really good guys. Not like Iron Douche and his fellowship of the lame.”

“The Avengers don’t like killing either.” Spider-man said.

Deadpool shrugged. “Well, no, but for them it’s more that they don’t really want to kill. But they will. Or they’ll hire me to do it. You, you just don’t kill.”

Spider-man nodded. “It’s one of the reasons I didn’t join them. Everyone deserves a chance, and if you kill them you take away all their chances.” He looked at Deadpool again. “But I have to warn you, if you kill in my city I will have to stop you.”

Deadpool looked up at the sky for a few minutes, then back at the superhero. “So as long as I don’t kill anyone in your city, I can stay?” Deadpool asked.

Spider-man nodded. “I guess so…”

“So protection jobs, rescue jobs, escort jobs are all okay?” Deadpool asked, intrigued. “What if I’m protecting someone and the only way to keep them alive is to kill someone else?”

Spider-man winced. “As long as you’re really trying on those jobs to not kill anyone.”

“And what about jobs outside of your city?”

Spider-man sighed. “I don’t like it, but I can’t really stop you. And I’d be a hypocrite if I tried to control everything you do. The Avengers do what they want without clearing it with me.”

Deadpool grabbed the hero by the shoulders. “You are just so cute and so good. Okay Spidey, I promise to try my hardest not to kill anyone while I’m in your city and I won’t take any more assassination jobs here at all.” He bent over and kissed the hero on the forehead through their masks, then ran off laughing.

Spider-man watched him disappear across the buildings, wondering what he’d just gotten himself into.


End file.
